Why You Should Never Judge a Book by Its Cover...

Or a person by the way they look on the outside... With the incredibly sad passing of Robin Williams, I thought it would be a good time to write about a topic that is extremely close to my heart. I'm guessing I'm not the only one that was extremely stunned to hear that this actor that most of us have spent a good portion of our lives watching on the big screen committed suicide. Our family experienced this shock when a happy, go-lucky-seeming family friend took her own life a few years ago. We had no idea that she was experiencing such pain in her life. While many think it is a selfish decision, a fellow blogger put it best in her blog post this morning: "it is wholly unmerciful to judge a man by his darkest hour, rather than by the entirety of his life." (Tyler @ Arkansassy) I completely agree. There are so many people that are struggling with this pain every day, and if that was you, how would you feel if you worked your entire life to build up a strong career, be a kind and generous person, honest and wholesome, only to be remembered as the "selfish" one because you made a decision that came from not being able to handle the pain any longer? Those in this situation are clearly not in a place to make this type of decision. This type of illness, whether it be depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, etc., rids one's body of any strength it has to put positive thoughts ahead of the constant black hole surrounding them. As someone that has struggled with anxiety for a good portion of my life, I thankfully was never in this type of situation where I thought I could take my own life. I may have had a passing thought, but I would never have been able to make that decision. However, I know many that have been in that dark place and worry about them. If you're facing this type of illness, you are not the only one. There is no shame in it. It's not something that you can just put aside and pretend it doesn't exist.

Robin Williams as I will always remember him, the funniest actor I ever witnessed in film.

The same thing equates to someone in a situation that I have found myself in for a very long time: chronic pain. When I was younger, I started experiencing massive neck, shoulder, back, and right arm pain due to an incident. If you know me, you know that I will never act like I am having a bad day if there is any power within me to hide it. Of course, my family and those closest to me have seen me in my darkest hours, and I have learned not to shield it from them any longer. But, I don't want those around me to experience negativity when I am capable of putting a smile on my face and "acting" happy, which usually leads me to be happy and enjoy time around others, despite the pain. I am a positive person. Yet, sometimes there are no positive thoughts to be had when your body is literally fighting against you. When your muscles feel as if they are trying to PULL out of your skin, or your nerves give the impression that there is a fire within your limbs. Or when your muscles literally jump or spasm continuously, and it can barely be seen, but if it is, people look at you like you are absolutely crazy because you can't help it. Or when you are the "weird" one in class because you have to get up constantly and walk around or move to the back of the classroom to stand because you can't handle the agony that goes along with being in one position for too long, causing you to never sleep and always have those raccoon eyes. "You look terrible today, hun," was the phrase that I heard over and over for years after those nights. "Oh really, I feel great. Hadn't noticed."

I am so grateful that I do not have to deal with this to the degree I once did. But, I know so many that do. I have found things that have worked for my pain, and I continue to try to find more solutions. Yet, it is so much better, and I thank God for that. But during that time when the pain was at its worse, yes people told me I didn't look the best due to my physical appearance and fatigue;  yet, they never knew what was truly going on, and most, especially when they found out I was taking medication for muscle spasms, etc., acted like it must not be that bad. "But you look fine." "You're always so happy... how can you be in pain?" "You just look like you are tired. Maybe you should try getting sleep." It just goes to show that you never actually know what is going on within a person by their outside appearance. Try and getting to know someone before you make an impression. I understand it is human nature to judge a book by its cover. I'm guilty of it as much as anyone. But, it's not always as it seems.

My sister and mother are two of the most amazing women that are continuously struggling with the type of continuous, muscle-wrenching, aching, throbbing pain, and to look at them, you would NEVER know it. I am so amazed at their strength and courageousness. They are beautiful people that care more for others than they do themselves, but it hurts them and me to hear things like "it must not be as bad as you say it is," or other judgmental accusations. If they wanted you to know how it feels to struggle with chronic pain day after day, they would show it. As it is, they want to live their lives as normally as possible. But, we are constantly looking for ways to make the pain dissipate, and because of this, we can use all the prayers we can get. I truly believe that saying, though, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." He couldn't have given these issues to stronger people. They're the strongest there is. :) But they deserve 100% relief from the chronic pain, and we'll search forever to find the solution.

I found this amazing article on Robin Williams today: "5 Facts You Didn't Know About Robin Williams." Take a look if you'd like! It just reminds all of us that you may not know someone as well as you think. Take a moment to learn about their life and their struggles before you judge them.

Love you all, my friends,